What have I been up to since I last wrote? I took some time to go back through all the work I have done and revisit some things while taking a couple of weeks off. I have been back training hard in my good buddy’s garage gym which has been a blessing. My shoulder is feeling great and I’m feeling stronger both mentally and physically every day. I need to be mindful of being sucked into only relying on training to regulate myself and ensure that I don’t let my newer habits slip as I dive back into an old favourite. I have completed the online portion of the “Who Are You?” course, surprise surprise, it was a real wake-up call just like every other lesson thus far.
The first thing that struck me was a clip from the movie “The Replacements” where one of the characters describes his fear of “quicksand” not actual quicksand, the kind of quicksand related to performance. The game starts, everything is going well, then you make a mistake, and then another, and another, you start to freeze, another mistake, another, next thing you know, you are sitting on the bench and your coach is ripping into you. Quicksand is something I struggled with my whole career because I have always been self-critical, the smallest mistakes eat away at me, I begin to focus on them, I start “gripping my stick too tight” and making decisions I usually wouldn’t make. The result is a terrible performance.
The times I knew exactly who I was and what my job was I thrived and stayed out of the quicksand quickly becoming known for my consistent performances. The times I didn’t, I became known for the exact opposite. Long have I struggled with self-doubt, the earliest times I can recall were at elementary school age with math and my messy handwriting and in my first year of Football. These doubts became my reality as I was focused on them, I struggled with math all through school, my writing is still terrible, and I barely played that year. The difference with Football being, I worked my ass off to gain confidence, skill, and knowledge of Football and became a key part of the defence and leader each season after. I created an identity for myself as a hardworking, fearless, and aggressive player regardless of sport. From age 12 – 20 this identity never wavered and my confidence was at all-time highs, it showed in my performance and I was rewarded as I climbed the ranks each year.
Where I struggle to form an identity now, is in my work career, relationships, and life after sport. All areas where I have been disappointed in my performance. On top of refining what I had written in my workbook the online section asked me to create a visual of who I am, I used the free version of Canva so some of the images aren’t the best for what I was going for but it gives me a much clearer image in my mind of who I am/who I want to be. Take a look at the bottom of the page!
To clarify these images represent to me the identity I have been working to solidify which is that “I am protective, willing, and animal lover, creative, sensitive, social, unique, disciplined, intense, compassionate, and mechanical.”
One part I love about this section is the “a little bit more” 4 words that can change your life. I only ever really practiced that concept in the gym, making sure I did more reps than anyone else, or an extra 5LBs. Branching out and applying it to the rest of my life has been challenging and will take some getting used to. When I do, I feel fantastic, a little more cleaning, a little more weight, a little more water, a little more time organizing, a little more time researching. It all adds up and I need to remember that applies to more than the weight room.
I can’t wait to move on to the “Goals” section of my workbook after another great session with my facilitator and find some more direction.
Write you next week,