Tag: self love

The Transition Game: Week 12

Welcome back!

Communication, that’s a word that has caused me an unbelievable amount of grief. Although it’s not so much the word as it is my lack of skills and numerous bad habits. Conditioning from unhealthy cultures, trauma from relationships, depression, and lack of education are a few of the contributing factors to my struggles with communication. What did my lack of skills and bad habits bring me? Wasted opportunities, low self-esteem, and a whole lot of trouble. That isn’t a pattern I’d like to continue, so I was excited to dive into this section of the program.

I knew I had issues with my communication, it was made abundantly clear in romantic relationships. However, once I began to pull on that string, I realized how much it had impacted other areas of my life without me even noticing. I never communicated with my coaches, it was only ever “yes coach!” no matter how much I disagreed. I can only imagine where I would be if I had practiced better communication skills and been able to find a better understanding with my coaches. I never spoke my mind with coaches or told them where I thought I fit. I had a coach that we didn’t agree with as a team, we were frustrated as hell and jealous of the other teams in our association. Some guys spoke their mind and sat on the bench, I chose to “smile and nod”, never say anything besides “yes coach”, even though I never listened or did anything that the coach asked of me, I played a ridiculous amount of minutes that year and was named a captain. All of which further reinforced some poor communication habits.

Something that struck me was the lesson on arguments, “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you win it you’ve lost some respect.” I have never been one to argue, nonetheless, I had never viewed arguments from that perspective. It is 100% true. I have been on both sides of it many times. I’ll bet that you have too. Unfortunately, in my struggles since graduation, it has happened much more frequently. Excited to get back to my old self (with many improvements of course) would be an understatement. Of course, the listening portion of this section caught me red-handed. I have a few terrible listening habits. I’m always thinking about what I’m going to say next instead of giving my full attention. If someone is talking about something I don’t find interesting, I’ll be daydreaming in about 10 seconds. I’d go on but, I already sound like a horrible human being. These are some of the things I have been practicing a lot. I’m happy with my progress, I’m much more patient with my communication and it’s paying off. This will be another section I revisit frequently.

Esty

The Transition Game: Week 11

Welcome back!

 

 

I have been doing a lot of work with my goal setting and now since completing the imagination section of my workbook, I’m seeing how much the sections tie together. It’s exciting, but I find it intimidating too, I know I’ll have to use everything I have learned thus far to get to the places I imagine myself in the future. I have been a bit run down and unmotivated again lately but I know a lot of that comes from letting some of my new habits slide as well as some uncertainty in my life. Even just getting back to practicing gratitude daily, just writing down three things I’m grateful for once a day has a huge impact on my mindset. Another realization I have had is that I still need to lean into my support system more, with all the great people around me it’s ridiculous to try and do everything on my own and then be frustrated when I get lost.

 

 

One of the first things asked of me in this section was to imagine my ideal life in 5 years.

Here’s what I have so far:

  • Making $100,000 per year
  • Ton’s of freedom/flexibility, never missing out on family or friends because of work
  • house with a yard
  • steady job/jobs that I enjoy
  • Two dogs
  • home gym
  • I’m in great shape with healthy and consistent routines
  • love myself and feel pride in where I am and who I am
  • Consistently eating time into my hobbies (dirtbikes/motorcycles, working out, guns, beer league, etc.)
  • I’d like to be living in Cochrane or Canmore and working at the Yamnuska Wolfdog Sanctuary

 

Looking at what I wrote made me realize that I need to focus and set goals around discovering what path I might like to walk in order to get to that place, from firefighting, personal training, marketing, working at the Wolfdog Sanctuary, or who knows what else! I need to bite this off in small chunks and just chip away until I’m there. Staying positive and grateful is going to be a sizeable challenge but I know it’ll make the journey immensely more enjoyable and rewarding. 

 

 

Another exercise in this section that helped settle me down and feel less stressed was answering these four questions:

  1. What is your dream? “To be free”
  2. What holds you back from pursuing your dream? “My fears and doubts”
  3. How can you grow the optimism and courage to make your dream become a reality? “Practice! Practice everything in this book consistently, practice positive self-talk and gratitude, envision my dream every day, and use those SMART goals!”
  4. What will your life look like when your dream is achieved? “Peaceful and bright, fulfilling and free”

 

The pictures in my head created by this little exercise lift a weight off my shoulders and provide extra motivation to get to that place I see so clearly in my mind. It’s little things like this I need to do a better job of remembering when things get hard. I have always had a great imagination and I used to let it guide me a lot more, time to get back to that.

 

 

Write you next week,

 

 

Esty

The Transition Game: Week 9

Welcome back!

I just completed the workbook section titled “A Goal is the Goal: Determining your Direction”. I was excited for this section as I have recognized my lack of direction and goals since hanging up my skates and the issues it has caused me. The times in my life when I had goals, direction, and a plan are the times I felt the happiest, I often felt invincible. I haven’t had much of any of that in the past year and as you can guess, I have been miserable and never felt weaker. The book asks a couple of questions to get you thinking before eventually leading you to create your bucket list. 

Here is what I have so far:

  • A long motorcycle trip with friends (W)
  • Complete the Lava Man with my buddy Tupps (W)
  • Get the sleeve tattoo I have been talking about for years (W)
  • Build a small house in the forest (W)
  • Travel (Iceland, Europe, Canada) (D)
  • More hikes and adventures with Mando (my puppy) (D)
  • Always have two rescued dogs for the rest of my life (starting when I have a yard) (W)
  • Live comfortably while working minimally (D)
  • Learn Muay Thai (D)
  • Dirtbike again (D)
  • Own small gun collection and practice consistently (D)
  • Own a Dodge Challenger Hellcat (W)

I look forward to what my facilitator has to say about my bucket list so far especially, the “D’s and W’s” or Desires and Wants. The next step after writing my list was placing either a D or a W after each item to help focus my attention. This allows me to start building an action plan for those items labelled with a D for desire. Once I finished labelling my list I was tasked with sharing it with someone I trust and they had to ask me why I labelled items as desires. I was able to clearly explain why they were desires and the person I shared with was incredibly supportive and excited for me. I felt on top of the world after writing it all out and sharing it. Being as competitive and willful as I am it helps to share things like this, goals, aspirations, and dreams. Once I tell someone I am going to do something it is easier for me to find a way to make it happen than it is to back down.

This has been a really interesting section for me, I haven’t really thought about anything like this since finishing school and hockey. Even before, my list was only: get a scholarship, play pro, have a family. Sitting down and really thinking about what I want to do with my life after going through all these changes was refreshing, revitalizing, and energizing. My next step is to start setting out five things I can do every day that will get me closer to the desires I listed. Looking at my desires, my five things for today could be: 1) Message Muay Thai trainer about prices/availability 2) spend 10 min online gun shopping 3) spend 10 min looking at hikes/adventures to go on with Mando and choose a weekend 4) Ask Dad if he would want to split costs of a Dirtbike and keep it at our acreage 5) Spend 20 min looking at travel costs and options for bringing Mando along.

I’m nervous but excited to share this list with you because now I can’t back down! 

Write you next week,

Esty