Tag: communication

The Transition Game: Week 12

Welcome back!

Communication, that’s a word that has caused me an unbelievable amount of grief. Although it’s not so much the word as it is my lack of skills and numerous bad habits. Conditioning from unhealthy cultures, trauma from relationships, depression, and lack of education are a few of the contributing factors to my struggles with communication. What did my lack of skills and bad habits bring me? Wasted opportunities, low self-esteem, and a whole lot of trouble. That isn’t a pattern I’d like to continue, so I was excited to dive into this section of the program.

I knew I had issues with my communication, it was made abundantly clear in romantic relationships. However, once I began to pull on that string, I realized how much it had impacted other areas of my life without me even noticing. I never communicated with my coaches, it was only ever “yes coach!” no matter how much I disagreed. I can only imagine where I would be if I had practiced better communication skills and been able to find a better understanding with my coaches. I never spoke my mind with coaches or told them where I thought I fit. I had a coach that we didn’t agree with as a team, we were frustrated as hell and jealous of the other teams in our association. Some guys spoke their mind and sat on the bench, I chose to “smile and nod”, never say anything besides “yes coach”, even though I never listened or did anything that the coach asked of me, I played a ridiculous amount of minutes that year and was named a captain. All of which further reinforced some poor communication habits.

Something that struck me was the lesson on arguments, “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it, and if you win it you’ve lost some respect.” I have never been one to argue, nonetheless, I had never viewed arguments from that perspective. It is 100% true. I have been on both sides of it many times. I’ll bet that you have too. Unfortunately, in my struggles since graduation, it has happened much more frequently. Excited to get back to my old self (with many improvements of course) would be an understatement. Of course, the listening portion of this section caught me red-handed. I have a few terrible listening habits. I’m always thinking about what I’m going to say next instead of giving my full attention. If someone is talking about something I don’t find interesting, I’ll be daydreaming in about 10 seconds. I’d go on but, I already sound like a horrible human being. These are some of the things I have been practicing a lot. I’m happy with my progress, I’m much more patient with my communication and it’s paying off. This will be another section I revisit frequently.

Esty

Road To Beijing 2022: An Athletes Story – Roles

Roles

We all play many roles every day in life, some we choose, others are chosen for us. Amongst the other roles, I’m currently playing I have decided to pursue my goal of becoming a Three-Time Winter Olympian, competing in the 2022 Beijing Olympic winter games.

What does this entail?

Well, no two roles are the same, but we can apply specific skills, tricks or tools to play this new role as best to our ability. I have found it is helpful to identify what are my weaknesses or tendencies that will create hurdles or challenges for me in this new role. No doubt I am taking on a lot with this role so I need to be aware of what problems might occur when I get run down and overworked.

Unwanted advice – I can feel personally attacked when others give me unsolicited advice or coaching. In my head, I’m thinking “pfft you have no idea how hard this is”… “I’m doing my best who are you to give me advice” (That’s my ego kicking in) Check your ego at the door, Ben. If you are so good and know everything why are you racing independently?

Procrastination – In one shape or form I believe we all procrastinate, I tend to give in to my tiredness and push things. Being conscious of this, using my day planner and holding myself accountable is how I will stay on target.

Communication – The old saying is “ communication is key “ when I get low my communication can suffer and then Ben is MIA. Two-way communication is important, responding and letting others know you’ve received and understood their messages in a timely manner.

Of course, learning from past challenges and mistakes is a part of progression but confidence and self-belief are another. What are the strengths I possess that will benefit me in this Role?

Mental Strength and Endurance – Developed through many struggles, losses and pain, my mental strength and ability to endure unforgiving circumstances is a great asset. Although extremely difficult life lessons to experience, I am very grateful and proud I’ve been able to use these in an empowering way to better myself.

Experience – Having competed at two Winter Olympic Games, four World Championships and achieved a World Cup Podium I know first hand the level of professionalism needed to compete at the elite level.

Athleticism – Knowing my limits, and constantly pushing. Many have described my racing style as fearless. As much as I wish this were true, it’s not. Fear is present during every race and training I attempt or complete. Over years of pushing my boundaries, I have developed a strong athletic base and ability that I am immensely confident in.

By Identifying my strengths and weaknesses I allow myself to imagine what might be asked of me in this role, the challenges I could face when asked and how to be successful when the challenges present themselves.

Your best can always be better, it only gets better by trying your best… never stop trying.

Mental Health Checklist

This is to help you identify anything you might not have noticed. It is not a professional assessment. It is for your own use. It will allow you to start to have a conversation or to look for professional help.

☐ Recent mood swings
☐ Has become more withdrawn in the last 30-60 days
☐ Has become irritated with my requests in the last 30-60 days
☐ Is not eating
☐ Is not sleeping well
☐ Is not hanging out with friends as much in the last 30-60 days
☐ Has wanted to quit their passion recently
☐ Has become defiant and aggressive with me and others
☐ I have noticed bruises/cuts lately
☐ Does not want to communicate about anything
☐ Says “I’m Fine” all the time
☐ Says “Just leave me alone”

These are some things that you can start to be aware of and sit down and take a good look. If you are noticing any of these issues, it is critical to sit and have a conversation ASAP to address.

How to Have the Difficult Conversation

One of the hardest things to do is to try to start a conversation with someone who is in pain. In their minds they are alone and no one can relate or understand what they are going through. Self-Pity is one of the most damaging illnesses that can occur. It stops the person from dealing with reality and can take the Mind to a very dark place.

In the darkness it is difficult to make sound decisions. It is hard to breathe; it is hard to believe that there is a way out.

The first questions are critical to getting the conversation going. Here are some starters.

• I have noticed a change in you recently, has something happened to you?

• I attended a presentation recently that has made me aware of some things that I have done. I want to apologize if any of (insert what you became aware of) have caused you pain. I simply did not realize how my actions have caused issues for you.

• I have not been feeling myself lately and did some research and found that I have some things to learn. I have noticed your behaviour is similar, would you be open to learning some new things together?

• I love you very much and my biggest fear is that I am not providing what you need, can you help me un•derstand what you are dealing with?

These are all great conversation starters and take the guilt and shame off of them and show you are trying to help. Walking the dog, shooting hoops, having a day together is a great way to begin the process in a less intensive way.

Once you have begun to gain their trust and they open up, then you can bring up finding someone to help. Avoid using the words a therapist, a psychologist, a doctor. Simply say let’s find someone that could help us and then research some options together. Layout some timelines to finding the right one. Creating this structure to become healthy allows them to organize it in a way that they can stay focused and positive throughout the process.